It's been so long since i heard of him.. it's as if he never existed, or that i've once briefly came across, from reading a book or a film.. or someone else's memory. but not mine. So it doesn't hurt at all. Not till when it strucked me that my camera's from him, but i've always know it, it's just.. i can't explain. parts of here and there i'd try to come up with, and i felt a sting of pain but then again it all seems too distant from me..

I browse through our pictures, his face's familiar.. yet it's hard to recall the moment we shared when our photo's taken. why is this happening.....

May the blue days be over as soon as possible...

Today i happen to help out one of my fav client for a hair wash after her manicure and pedicure. And it happens so that the manicurist tried out a shimmering coat for her nails which after several look, client nat decides that she prefer the original enamel. initally both the manicurist were busy, so client nat ask me me and my stylist if we know how to apply nail polish. And without second thought, i said i know. Of cos i know and why would i bother to lie or deny.. my intention is only to help her out. But just as i was about to start, joanna the manicurist spare a lil time before her next client who was late to do Nat's nails. Okay the point is, i shouldn't even be offering help when i'm not the 'real' manicurist. Yes i understand what Joanna is trying to tell me. if this news were to leak out, it may spoil my company's reputation or rather, their reputation for it's not being professional. And exactly that's what irritates me.. I'm only trying to extend what i'm capable of doing to help someone whose in need of it. Why is there a need to subject this innocent kindness into some sort of improfessional act. why is there a need to be so political and judge everything law by law. Though it's a fact but i fucking hate it. Have they lose their mind on the simplicity of favours and kindness. Couldn't have they think in a more positive angle.
Hai i'm really upset after second thought of what all this is about.

Living in this harsh society, i don't know what are we all battling over. Fame,wealth,status.. Or all of the above? Why on earth is there such a word call reality/realistic.

I fight all day long but in the end i stil felt as if i lost the battle.. and then i'l wonder again where's all this heading. i feel lost and worse of all, i'm always back to square one. I'd find ways of distraction but they just doesn't last long.. I can't find a solution.

Firstly, i left my ezlink card at home.
Next, i was late for work.. coincidently i have an early client. It's always lidat.. on days whereby i've an early client, shit always happen and eventually i'll be running late. things always end up in a big mess. And today i've stir up more than one commotion. First, i forgot to pack my stylist's bag the night before.. and i only realised it after my stylist had. Of cos, he was jumping mad and make a big fuss in the staff pantry.. Sigh. i know it was my fault. i've no excuse to it.
Yes since last night, i really have the intention to claim an hour or so, end work earlier so that i could meet up with one of close friend, whose feeling really down now. To see her has become my piority cos i'm really worried while she's alone. But today there's a twist in the situation..i decided to take half day leave instead... i did thought that i could see her earlier.. but my second purpose is also to meet lxh, who has been waiting for me since we took the morning train tgt.. hai but i didn't thought that this simple request to take halfday leave could stir up another commotion. Well why that's so. My mangement had agreed to it the very start, cos there wasn't much clients today, and coincidently, a few of the stylist were either on mc or little clients, there was more than enough trainnes. It was all an easy thing but i didn't expect my stylist to have oppose to it, god knows how it eventually stir up another commotion.
Sigh. Anyway. in the end. i don't know if i was considered lying or not. Does it really matter? Maybe not. But my own guilt is somehow haunting on me and i feel really bad. i know it's useless to be explaining or perhaps just trying to make up excuses. in fact it's stupi people may think, i've already did it so what's about it now. I'm not trying to convince anyone, i'm not confident i could, it's just, a form of releasing that tiny bit of my suffocation. Eventually i didn't manage to meet up with Aitien bcos she's gonna be in town, and i cant be, for i've told them i'll be heading back. I met up with xinhui and head back woodlands instead. The rest of my day there, enjoying-.- Hai, and my purpose of posting this stupi reflection is because of what. I don't know who am i explaining to.. but
To those who've been concern, Kyle espically, thanks for texting me. I was really touched, yet i'm sorry i lied. i'm so sorry. I feel really bad to be hiding things from you. He's such a nice guy who have been helping me from the start to get my leave approved, yet.... And because he meant more than just a normal friend to me, i hate to be  keeping things from him. sigh will you understand. ):
And Connie, one from my managment, thanks for helping me out today too. Did i betray your trust as well?

Sigh. I feel sinful when i have to cheat to get things in my way. Can i explain that today's situation is unpredictable.

Another sigh. But anyway... putting aside work and guilt issues, i really did enjoyed myself today. Ate pizzahut for lunch.. hang around cwp..went to the library, get useful books(heh heh) Met up with the usual gang and our new engagement, the longboard for the night. haha. it's realy fun and we're all into it. I'm considering of getting one too!

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Cosy Night.

So i'm on two days mc, today and tmr! Wheeeeeness. cant deny that i'm really happy about it. HAHA. but this time round, i was really down on flu, not pretending to be sick. lol. Anyway, the day was great. though was feeling kind of drowsy here and there but i'm trying all my best to keep myself awake. I even tidy up my room.. like finally yeah. Sigh. A list of things waiting for me to do yet lil time and effort i could spend. Isn't there this chinese saying.. You Xin Wu Li. It best describe my situation now.

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How does it feels like to be in love. That feeling seems to be long forgotten. How strange, i'd wonder. But i just can't rmb. I thought they were been silly. But coming across those makes me realise that i'm then the foolish one. I'm once doing it, once in their shoes, yet to be thinking it's silly now makes me realise i'm then the one who's gone. Emptiness is born. There's no one to share joy,to grief and give you a warm hug. I couldn't recall how warm those arms felt like when i held. Couldn't recall how happy i'd have felt when his name shown up on my phone. Couldn't recall myself smiling to sleep with his last image floating in my mind. The external love between two's long gone. All i ever rmb was it was a whole new life, like a reborn me, living a solitude life. It wasn't that bad. I've adapted to it, and perhaps to much of an extend that i can't rmb how it felt to be in love. And that suck.
Regret to say i'd longed for it.

Regret to say that i'm not feeling at my best now. I would have hope tonight will be different than usual.. i'd thought finally i could make use of my long night to catch up with my dear friends. but i was indeed disappointed. Was it my problem or what. Why do we have to overlook each other which without realising, it's a form of neglection. I'm just like any normal being, not a clown nor just a entertainer. I will need your attention when i speak. I will need your response if you've heard me cos it's really fustrating to be having treat like you're invisible. And have you guys ever felt that way..

I'm tired. I'm stress out but i won't let you see me shed a single tear. This is how much i've changed.

I wanna lean onto that batwing arms of yours.